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The Following Are
Buddy Baker Quotes
"My wife cooked cabbage last night. I asked her, 'My Lord, how could you get an ass in a pot?"
"We finally found out where Spam comes from. It comes from a spig."
"Ernie Irvan could go bear hunting with a switch. He ain't never afraid."
"With ten to go, I didn't have a code of ethics."
"I never lost my job while I was leading a race."
"Wally Dallenbach's like a kite without a tail out there."
"New tires are like Superman medicine"
"I got hit in the head pretty hard. My clock ran backward's for two years."
After witnessing Mark Day drive into the back of Mark Martin at least 3 times on the same lap and finally wreck him.
"I'd like to say something nice about that wreck but I can't think of anything"
"Sometimes it takes several laps for a wreck to happen"
With reference to a driver in the Pro Truck race "He ran out of talent about halfway through the corner"
On Kenny Irwin getting into Jimmy Spencer at Dover Downs - Spring 2000
"Oh boy, that's Jimmy Spencer. That's like stickin' a stick in a bears cage, that is. I don't think he wants to do that again."
On Rick Hendrick and Felix Sabates "Well I don't know which one has more money but I'll tell you what. Either one could burn a wet mule with hundred dollar bills."
Buddy was interviewed after a superspeedway race in which he drove through a smoke screen full of wrecked cars. The comentator praised his skillful driving...Buddy's response "it's amazing what you can do with your eyes closed"
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Reasons It Took Earnhardt 20 Years To Win The Daytona 500"
- From Dale himself on Letterman
10. It took me 19 years to realize I had the emergency brake on.
9. Finally rotated and balanced my mustache.
8. Quit training with the Canadian snowboarding team.
7.Stopped letting my 300-pound cousin Ricky ride shotgun.
6. New strategy: pretend I'm Dave driving home on the Merritt Parkway.
5. Who cares that it took me 20 years -- at least my name isn't Dick Trickle.
4. Just figured out that if you mash the gas pedal all the way down, the car takes off like a
son-of-a-bitch.
3. My new pit crew -- The Spice Girls.
2. This year whenever I passed somebody I gave them the finger.
1. My secret to success: one can of motor oil in my engine, one can of motor oil in my pants!
A man walks into a bar with his dog. A Winston Cup race is on a TV.
He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt is doing. The bartender
says "Earnhardts is in 25th". The dog jumps up, and runs around
the barstool 25 times. A couple of laps later, the bartender says
"Earnhardt is up to 10th". The dog jumps up again and runs around
the barstool 10 times. A few laps later, the bartender says "Earnhardt is up to 3rd",
after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 3 times
The bartender says "WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if
Earnhardt wins?"
"I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him for 2 years!"
I knew I had become a Stock Car Fan when...
..Tailgating became "drafting"
...I started calling slower cars "lap traffic"
...I started lightly tapping the cars bumper in front of me when I wanted to pass
...I started signaling the cars behind me to pass (they probably thought I was "flipping em off")
...I began timing my fuel stops
...I started calling every curvy road in my neighborhood " Glen"
...I found myself pausing after the traffic light turned green to get a better "restart" than the car
behind me
...I miss a gear, it reminds me of Pocono
...I began hoping the car in front of me, would "go high" on "clover leaf" exits
and finally, ...I found myself cleaning "marbles" off my tires when I went slow
TOP 10: LAWS OF AUTO RACING
10) The number of times you get hit in a pileup is directly proportional to the number of times
you said "I think it will go ok today".
9) You only get the lead when you need fuel.
8) If a tire can go on the wrong side, it will.
7) A part will never break during a test session, only during a race.
6) The driver behind you is always the one you punted last week.
5) The part you left at the shop is the one you need.
4) The number of laps remaining is always one more than the amount of fuel left in the car.
3) Your good car will get wrecked, your bad car will finish the race, two laps down.
2) The concrete wall is harder at the tracks you wreck at.
And the number one Law of Auto Racing is....
A 10-car pileup will never happen *behind* you!
TOP 10 COOL THINGS HEARD ON THE PIT RADIOS
10."Cool! I can hold my breath AND keep my eyes closed down the entire backstretch!"
9. "I'm coming in on lap 80-I need fuel, rubber-and get this damned Dave Despain outta the car!"
8. "Mikey Waltrip just tried to punch me in the face, can you guys get his hand loose from the window-net for me?"
7."Careful going into turn 3, the Family Channel Blimp has scraped the wall"
6. "Geez, I either got a tire going down or the pitroad official is still stuck under the car"
5. "Hold your line, Schader should be barrel rolling by you any second"
4. "Everytime I get behind Lake Speed I get really loose- I think he's leaking Spam juice"
3. "Better stay out for a few extra laps, Jr. Johnson is headed this way with a tire iron and I
don't think it's to help us get our hubcaps off!"
2. "OK ya talked us into filling your "cool suit" with Bud, but ya better stop sucking on it"
AND THE NUMBER 1 COOL THINK HEARD ON THE PIT RADIOS:
1. "Hey! Throw a caution, Spencers takin'a leak out the window!"
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